Pristine, Paralyzing "Perfectness" **UPDATED**

10:39 AM

UPDATED: Last night I was debating on whether to post about this topic. This morning, I was still undecided until I checked my emails and found a comment on yesterday's post from Tyanne of Ty's Quilts about her fears of messing up a new, pristine white journal. 

As soon as I read her comment, I knew I was suppose to post this today. Now Tyanne has posted about how she's kicking fear to the curb and how she's going to use her new journal! You can read about it here.

Do you have a fear to be kicking to the curb?! Please share in the comments!

Oh my.

The white cover waiting for just the right touch.

The first page with nary a mark on it.

The possibilities are endless. The decisions daunting.

Why? Why all the pressure?

Because all of the possibilities—in my mind—are perfect.

IF I dare to put a mark on the page it might not be perfect. Or what I want. Or (gasp!) I might make a mistake! Oh, the horror! The........fear......of ruining a perfectly good journal on the first page or the cover! Of being recognized for the fraud that I know I am deep down inside. I'm NO artist and I won't be fooling anyone if I mess up this cover or the first page!

Do you ever go through anything like this when you're starting a new journal?

I have to say that I was paralyzed for years by white page fear. My excuse was that I just couldn't make up my mind as to what I wanted to put on the cover of that new journal or the first page, but in truth, I was afraid of messing up. Big time. And then everyone would know that I wasn't really an artist but a wannabe.

I will also concede that the fear still grips me from time to time and I have to make a concerted effort to kick it to the curb. I put on my kevlar tutu, fire up my turbo-charged magic wand and POWER THROUGH THE FEAR. Because, really, does everyone really care what the journal cover looks like or the first page?!

In a word, "No."

Below is the first page of the Pineapple Journal, which I showed in this post. I've decided to dedicate this journal to a looser type of sketching.

I've really loosened up on this first page, don'tcha think??


Watercolor on Canson Edition paper
I had just painted the large purple flower when my hubby came into the studio and we began a rather serious discussion. The purple flower was loose and the only thing on the page at that time. When I started paying attention to what I was painting once more, I realized that my usual, tighter style had reasserted itself when my focus turned to the discussion. Oops. Loose? No. Not even close. It's not even a good page design.

As I wondered what to do about this less than auspicious start, it dawned on me (a little late, I know) that in a journal where the pages are SEWN in, they would not/could not be easily removed. Like in a spiral bound journal. Now, I've seldom removed pages from any of my journals, but it was always nice to know that the option was there if I really mucked up a page!  Kinda like an escape hatch.

Reviewing my options, I realized I could a) get out my gesso and paint over the page or parts of it; b) add a few papers for collage and disguise the failed attempt; or c) I could just say "Next!" and turn the page and get on with. After all, a valuable lesson was learned....I really need to focus when I'm attempting to learn a new style of painting. So, while I still have my tutu on....


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